As most women will know, you don't reach age 45 without experiencing a wardrobe malfunction or two. In my case three or four! I seem to have an uncanny knack for getting in uncomfortable situations in very public places.
Now as a 40+ woman I like to look and feel good. Ok the body isn't what it was 20 years ago but I like to say that I keep up with the fashion. For example, when I was 20 years old, I was a size ten and that was our biggest selling size in the shops. One child later and I was a size twelve and by then size twelve was the most popular selling size in our dresses. After child number two and then nearing 30 I was a size fourteen and what do you know? Our most popular selling size was a size fourteen!
Well now I'm 45. I can no longer blame the kids, it's just me, my love of wine and the cheeses that make it taste better. Guess what? Yep, I'm a size sixteen and it's our most popular selling size. That always brings me to think about just how fashionable I am, it's not easy to keep current like this!
But I digress, I just wanted you to have the mental picture of me, in this, the first episode of an embarrassing situation.
So a work colleague had mentioned to me the wonderful attributes of stay up stockings. Had I tried them she asked? No I hadn't but after hearing her extol their virtues I thought, how can I not. It was all so perfect, I was to fly to Melbourne for a conference the next day so I rushed out and found myself a gorgeous pair to wear.
I felt quite sexy on the plane! They had a lovely lacy top and these interesting silicone grips at the top to keep them up. As I was sitting on the plane I could feel one of them starting to inch it's way down. I spent most of the flight inconspicuously trying to pull it back in to place over the top of my dress.
I thought to myself, I'll go straight to the restroom when I get off and fix it all up. Well as I was exiting the plane I could feel it really starting to slip. Walking up the gangway I began to walk (as best I could) with my thighs pressed closely together. No mean feat I tell you when you're trying to rock your fabulousness in killer dress and heels!
This did not work, I could feel it falling further, so I started to press my knees together. I need to tell you this causes you to waddle!
I was halfway to the restroom, I could even see it, not much further I thought, when I started to trip. I got confused, what had I tripped on?! Yep, looking down, there was my stocking, the whole thing, bunched up around my ankle and now actually twisted up and over my shoe and around my heel!
To this day I still have visions of the security camera man having a good laugh at me as I took two steps to lean up against a post while I tried to casually remove the culprit and then sprint to the restroom! (ok ok, walk really fast, no-one's sprinting here)
Nothing ruins your mojo more than tripping in the middle of Melbourne Airport over your own stocking!
Check in next blog to see how I managed to have yet another malfunction, this time in the middle of Sydney Airport.